A former manager once recommended I read the book "What Color is Your Parachute" by Richard Nelson Bolles and I recently downloaded it to my Kindle. As I began reading, the book articulated a change of the times that I had been unconsciously both aware of and responding to. The book is definitely helping to inform my perspective for the curvy employment path I have blazed through turbulent times and realize the tremendous trust in God that I must allow Him to develop in my heart in order to be successful in my career.
For my birthday back in April, I went indoor mountain climbing and discovered a problem I have with letting go. I simply would not trust the auto belay to lower me down safely after I had climbed to the top of the wall. Earlier this week I dreamed that I let go of a mountain cliff and fell peacefully into the arms of God. In the dream I heard The Lord tell me to let go, to trust Him and to fall into His arms which I did in the dream. Yesterday as I was getting ready for work, The Lord used a favorite church song from my childhood that I have not heard in years to tell me the same words I heard in my dream: let go. I received His message with tears and praise!
As I prepare for a visit to Chicago tomorrow, I am considering letting Phoenix go. I have grown a lot being here for 4 years and 7 months, but I am also holding on to selfish ambitions and thoughts of how I think my life should be. Holding on to these things has definitely cost time with my family and quality of life afforded by living in community among other things. However, I struggle with understanding the fine line between running (a protective behavior) and surrendering (a position of vulnerability) to God.
I am also beginning to learn what it means to be dependent on The Lord for the abundant life He promises. I am seeing more clearly the part I must take responsibility for versus the part I must give over to Him but there is still a lot of growth needed in this area.
Listening to Hebrews 11 at night before bed has been strengthening my faith.
"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendation. By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible."
Lord give me the courage and strength to trust you! Show me what falling into your arms looks like for my life and help me to be obedient to your revelation. This day, I completely surrender my hopes and ambitions to you Lord. Thank you for leading me in the paths of righteousness for Your namesake, for being the great Shepherd always providing for me, and for perfecting that which concerns me. Thank you for your faithfulness and Lord please help my unbelief! In Jesus name, Amen.
