Count Your Blessings!

As this year ends, I would like to take a moment to count my blessings...I am truly surprised at all that The Lord has accomplished in my life for 2015!

He has blessed me to have crossed the border, traveling to and from Mexico twice this year. The picture above is from my last weekend trip where we distributed over 1,000 toys to children in Puerto Penasco, MX. 

He has blessed me to spend one month with family in Chicago which is the longest amount of time that I have been able to spend in Chicago since moving to Phoenix 5 years ago.

He has blessed me with more genuine Christian friendships than I have ever had in my life! Friendships that are not just on Facebook or conditional based on the church I go to, but people who pray with me, laugh with me and suffer me are truly a blessing.

He has also blessed me with a new romantic interest...we met online at christianmingle.com and have been dating for several months. This is truly a blog post of its own but I will wait to see how it goes!

He has blessed me to have learned how to identify the working environment and culture that will work best for me and have been flourishing in it in spite of days that are harder than others.

He has blessed me to take steps toward opening a retail clothing boutique which is my dream.

He has blessed me to be able to count it all joy when I fall into various trials!

Hottest Summer Ever

A month ago on June 15, I started a new job at Saks Fifth Avenue in Phoenix.  Although I love the work; the draw-commission pay is not favorable to the employee at all.  Realizing that although I am making slightly more money working with the company than the money I received on unemployment has been a silver lining.  However, this is not enough money to support myself.

A former manager once recommended I read the book "What Color is Your Parachute" by Richard Nelson Bolles and I recently downloaded it to my Kindle.  As I began reading, the book articulated a change of the times that I had been unconsciously both aware of and responding to.  The book is definitely helping to inform my perspective for the curvy employment path I have blazed through turbulent times and realize the tremendous trust in God that I must allow Him to develop in my heart in order to be successful in my career.

For my birthday back in April, I went indoor mountain climbing and discovered a problem I have with letting go.  I simply would not trust the auto belay to lower me down safely after I had climbed to the top of the wall.  Earlier this week I dreamed that I let go of a mountain cliff and fell peacefully into the arms of God.  In the dream I heard The Lord tell me to let go, to trust Him and to fall into His arms which I did in the dream.  Yesterday as I was getting ready for work, The Lord used a favorite church song from my childhood that I have not heard in years to tell me the same words I heard in my dream: let go.  I received His message with tears and praise!

As I prepare for a visit to Chicago tomorrow, I am considering letting Phoenix go.  I have grown a lot being here for 4 years and 7 months, but I am also holding on to selfish ambitions and thoughts of how I think my life should be. Holding on to these things has definitely cost time with my family and quality of life afforded by living in community among other things.  However, I struggle with understanding the fine line between running (a protective behavior) and surrendering (a position of vulnerability) to God.

I am also beginning to learn what it means to be dependent on The Lord for the abundant life He promises.  I am seeing more clearly the part I must take responsibility for versus the part I must give over to Him but there is still a lot of growth needed in this area.

Listening to Hebrews 11 at night before bed has been strengthening my faith.

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendation. By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible."

Lord give me the courage and strength to trust you!  Show me what falling into your arms looks like for my life and help me to be obedient to your revelation.  This day, I completely surrender my hopes and ambitions to you Lord.  Thank you for leading me in the paths of righteousness for Your namesake, for being the great Shepherd always providing for me, and for perfecting that which concerns me.  Thank you for your faithfulness and Lord please help my unbelief!  In Jesus name, Amen.  
 

Make me like You Lord! Rugby Bowl 2015

Modeling the Rugby Bowl 2015  

From left to right, pictured with Brian Hill Phoenix Fashion Week, Executive Director; Susie Massaro Model; Me; and Percy Knox Phoenix Fashion Week, Advisory Board Member

Earlier this week The Lord gave me a word through Evangelist Tommie Zito.  The word was that Christ is transforming me to be like Him.

Immediately after receiving the word, I heard my flesh cry out "I don't want to be like You Jesus!"

As I sat sobbing, I realized from that fleshly cry, exactly why The Lord was transforming me.

Before receiving that word, if one had asked me if I wanted to be like Christ, then without hesitation I would have said yes, of course.

But that word, helped me to see that part of my heart, deep down inside that still had not been completely surrendered to The Lord.

I repented and confessed Christ as Lord of my heart, my body, my soul, my mind and my life.

In a powerful worship experience the next day, I encountered The Lord.  I saw His face, I felt Him enter my heart; and I have been changed!  I know that becoming like Christ is an ongoing process, but this week God has truly begun a new thing in me. 

What a blessing that we are chosen to be like Him! 

As a model, I am always aware of how I look.  As a Christian, I make sure to be involved with projects that incorporate ministry and that I take pictures I can show my parents, nieces and nephews, pastors and friends at church.  This week’s experience with The Lord challenged me to think about whether or not I look like Christ.

I realized that this is what my flesh is most afraid of, because looking like Christ requires that I die to all of the natural conventions about looks, femininity and self-identity.

While society focuses on manipulating our outward appearance; God is examining the heart.  Indeed "the look" of Christ can only be achieved from the inside out. 

My prayer:

Lord I love you with all that is in me.  Jesus, help me to take up my cross and follow You every day.  Holy Spirit show me when I am being led astray by my flesh and give me the strength to change my mind and my heart to turn towards you.  Lord my hearts desire is to be a true worshiper in spirit and in truth.  Thank You Jesus for Your transforming sacrifice! Thank you Lord for helping me to be just like You!  

Birthday Moments with The Lord

The Lord woke me up at 4:44am on 4/4 (my birthday) to set the entire agenda for the day.  

I praised Him as he gave me two prophetic acts to perform.

The first act was to write on a sheet of paper all of the old habits, old memories, old thoughts that I had already repented of and bury them.

By 7:30am I was pulling weeds at my flower bed.  As I was doing so, the Lord spoke to me about how he tends to our hearts like a gardener.  How he gently pulls the weeds out of our hearts and prepares our hearts to flourish in His word and truth.  When all the weeds were pulled, I wrote down all of the things I wanted to bury, tore them up and buried them under the dirt in the flower bed.  It felt great!

By 10am I was performing the second act, scaling a wall at an indoor mountain climbing facility and declaring to the Lord, “Give me my mountain!”  I found that getting to the top of the mountain was easy, but letting go so that the auto belay could ease me down was the hard part.  I actually did a double work out, climbing up the wall and then climbing down.  The Lord had used this to reveal a heart issue---letting go.   A kind man tried to help me the second time, encouraging me on the way up and at the end cooing me to let go.  As I held on at the top, griping the plastic rocks with all my strength, fear of falling would not let me release my hold.  I prayed “Jesus help me to let go” and held on for as long as I could until finally, in tears I climbed my way back down.

After all this I had a massage and later headed to my birthday party where a few faithful friends gathered to celebrate with me.

The next day, Resurrection Sunday, the Lord showed me what it meant to rest in Him.  I had plans of what I would wear, what I would do and yet, could not get out of bed until nearly 2pm.  I was aching and sore from Saturday and in spite of all my plans, I slept through most of the day.

My prayer this year:

Lord help my unbelief, help my distrust, show me great God how to rely completely on You.  Give me greater capacity to cling only to You Lord and to let go of everything I serve in fear of falling into your arms.  Thank you Jesus for how you carefully tend to my heart protecting it from weeds and nourishing it with Your love. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.   

VSLZ Fashun Group

                                                          http://www.vslzfashungroup.com

Scripture is actually printed into the fabric design!!!! How powerful. I love working with VSLZ (pronounced vessels) Fashun Group.

WAR Photo Shoot (We Are Ready)

Ministry photo shoots are so powerful because the Holy Spirit seems to take part in the scenes and reveal another dimension of Himself.  As a model, these shoots are the best because I am actually being ministered to as I participate.  This photo shoot was a game changer!

Phoenix Fashion Week

Phoenix Fashion Week, Spring into Style Fashion Show